Why Most People Avoid Conflict and Why You Shouldn't - Daddy Tv

However, just because something minimizes our stress in one particular moment does not mean that it is a healthy form of coping. For example, eating, shopping, or having an alcoholic drink might make us feel better in the moment but they have long-term consequences if they are overdone. If how to deal with someone who avoids conflict something that we have to do stressing us out, we might avoid doing it or even try to stop thinking about it.

• They share their grievances openly with everyone—that is, everyone except the other party to the conflict.
• We talk about admitting mistakes, speaking up without fear of retribution or fear of negative consequences.
• This toolkit examines the causes and effects of workplace conflict and the reasons why employers should act to address conflict.
• For example, conflict can be an opportunity to share your feelings and become closer to your partner.

Practice Communication Skills

Publicly tearing someone down perpetuates cycles of high conflict because the person who feels humiliated often seeks revenge. Gossiping about something terrible, especially in a conflict, is attention-seeking behavior. Notice who’s fueled by hostility, contempt, or disgust when you’re in a stalemate of conflict. High conflict is when people become so righteous they dig their heels in, make negative assumptions about those who hold a different position, and believe they are the only authority on the subject. “It’s OK to express that you need a moment or more to process your feelings before responding,” Spinelli says and adds that pausing before responding relieves the pressure to react immediately. A pregnant pause also helps you think your options through clearly.

An Introduction to Conflict Avoidance

• Most workplace litigation arises because individuals feel they were not taken seriously or did not receive a fair hearing.
• That’s why I’m talking about high conflict versus healthy conflict, how to identify high-conflict people and protect yourself from them, and steps for more constructive ways to manage conflict.
• If you take a bigger step each time, you’ll soon find yourself on a path toward active coping.
• Remember, as much as it’s part of our language to say, ‘they make me feel x,’ no one can make you feel anything.

When you broach a contentious topic and carefully work your way to the other side of it, you make it feel safer to do it again. For a great overview of the concept of team psychological safety pioneered by Amy Edmonson, check out this article. Your conflict debt might be quite high already if it’s been a habit for a long time, but it only gets higher the longer it’s allowed to collect interest. Pay down your conflict debt by paying off the easy items, then start chipping away at the big ones. You will likely learn a lot about yourself and the people in your life, for good or bad, while doing this—and that’s a good (albeit often uncomfortable) thing. But avoiding conflict is untenable, and not just because it leads to you walking on eggshells.

• Agreements and contracts with key executives are designed to ensure a common understanding about the employment relationship.
• Passive-aggressiveness is the indirect expression of hostility or disagreement.
• This is what’s known as “high conflict,” the kind that takes on a life of its own, and eventually, leaves almost everyone worse off.
• Conflict avoidance can damage your relationships and harm your mental health.
• But procrastination only makes the issue seem more insurmountable when we’re inevitably forced to deal with it.
• Publicly tearing someone down perpetuates cycles of high conflict because the person who feels humiliated often seeks revenge.

How to Work with Someone Who Creates Unnecessary Conflict

The other benefit is that you’ll start to become accustomed to the discomfort of tension and will be less likely to experience it as personal friction. Many unproductive and unhealthy workplace conflicts start with miscommunication. One common source of conflict is when you communicate your expectations in unclear langauge, which often happens when you use too many ambiguous adjectives. If you ask for someone to be quick, creative, or collaborative, they might interpret those expectations differently than you and deliver something that disappoints or frustrates you. Passive-aggressiveness is costly for both teams and individuals. For the organization, the negative effects include delayed decision-making, poor identification and mitigation of risks, and delayed execution.

When you can sit with these hard feelings, you’ll have more choices about how you want to face the problem because you won’t have a knee-jerk avoidance response. The idea of tackling a stressful situation can feel, at times, insurmountable. That said, taking the first step can make it seem more doable. Taking a small step toward making changes to your behavior will get you headed in the direction you want to go.

An organization communicates its expectations typically via an employee handbook, HR policies, and written contracts and agreements with certain high-level individuals. Additionally, resolving workplace conflicts does not always require top-down interventions. Organizations need people who can handle day-to-day issues on their own, think independently, analyze problems, come up with solutions and take steps to implement them. Renew now to continue enjoying unlimited articles and exclusive resources.

Watch Articles

They share their grievances openly with everyone—that is, everyone except the other party to the conflict.